In November 2018 I had a very powerful experience with my Angel Team and myself trying to leave my body…for good. It was in a season where I was so sad. Bone sad and tired. I had this chronic feeling that something was horribly wrong, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. In hindsight, it was my soul letting me know that I was done with this life I was living. It felt inauthentic and a few short months after this experience many giant awful truths would be exposed in my marriage. On this particular night, when I laid in bed to go to sleep, I prayed to all of my angels, my great-grandmother, my friend Imelda, my step-grandma Maggie, the Arch’s- I prayed for them to lay their hands on my spiritual body and heal me.
I would say they did.
At three something in the morning I woke up as sad as I fell asleep. But I couldn’t sleep because this giant sadness was at the surface. It escaped in the form of tears. Giant, constant, ugly tears. I gave up all of my saddest thoughts. I released the sad about my marriage- all of it. My mind went to very dark places. The darkest places I’ve ever gone. I cried that I wanted to die and no longer endure all of this pain. That life was too hard and I was too tired and bone sad to go on. I imagined different ways to die- peaceful and ugly ways. I thought the world and those around me- at least a couple people- would be better off without me. It all came out of me and in the process I begged God to let me die. It was like an exorcism. I could almost see God, Jesus, the Holy Mother, my loved ones I’d called upon, the Archs and my angels surrounding me, holding me down during the pain. They wouldn’t let my soul stand up and walk out and away from this body like I tried to do. I tried desperately to just leave this body, and screamed “Is this free will? Am I not allowed to walk away at will? How is this free will? I don’t care if you make me repeat this life! I want out! How is this merciful?!” They simply held me down with compassionate eyes.
And then I slept.
I don’t know how I slept, as the thoughts and pain were so much I couldn’t sleep before.
But I did. And I woke up a bit after six. I laid, peacefully, feeling around in my soul for the hurt that was there before.
Before my whole chest and heart hurt on the inside- my soul’s heart. It hurt so bad I wanted to die. But laying there, “checking in” I felt nothing. My chest felt different. Huge. Like I could take giant breaths. I could literally breathe better. It felt like taking a deep breath in on a cool winter morning. It was magnificent.
Then the test- I tried to think about the saddest thing…
Nothing.
Peace.
Like I was staring into outer space- a void. Not dreaded darkness- it was a welcomed emptiness.
I prayed to my angels and asked what happened and they said “You have been made new.”
I asked why I saw a void they said “Imagine what you want. Whatever you want. Your dream? Don’t let it go. Bring it back. Go on, bring your dream forward and imagine whatever you want. You know this works.”
So I did.
I filled the outer space with my dream. I painted the void with images of a little house- one of my own. My Angels encouraged me to even fill the inside up with furniture I’d like. So I did. I filled it with odd bits I’d find around and fix up and make my own.
Then I spoke what I imagined out loud.
I closed my eyes after that. I called upon everyone I saw. God, Jesus, Mary, my loved ones, The Arch’s & my angels. They came, with love and compassion pouring out of their eyes and I thanked them. I thanked them for holding me down. For healing my soul.
And I asked “Now what?” Hoping they’d flat out tell me the future, my future….what today holds. They said “Now we wait and see on free will.” They told me not to doubt my dream, no matter what. They told me that I know the powers of creation and to hold on to it.
I feel wholly better. I can take deep breaths. Whatever that night was about, it was extremely cathartic and I know it was God preparing me for whatever was to come. I’d suffered so much loss up until that point… it was as if God cleared me of the weight of everything I’d been carrying.
That was my night.
My hour.
When I birthed my death.
Crystals Mystical Journey 