Last Spring I attended a monthly Shaman Meeting where we were to journey to some magical place together as a group. My Spirit guides, however, had a different plan than what my Shaman Parents had in mind, and during the journey I was taken to a beautiful mountain that looked like the Alaskan mountains. The mountains were crisp, light blue, snow capped and the bottom valley was flourishing with lush green that was too beautiful and vibrant to be seen by the naked eye. A MASSIVE Eagle flew toward me, landed next to me, and showed me a door at the bottom of the beautiful mountain. He brought me to a leather sack that had two long ropes attached to it, which was laying on the ground. He encouraged me to stand in the middle of the leather, grabbed the two ropes in his claws, and scooped me up in it and we began our journey. I could feel the pull and swoop and hold of his massive wings, as we lifted higher and higher into the sky. As we rose I could hear my Shaman Papa encouraging us to thank the mountain, the portal that brought us here and our guide, during our journey. I lost his voice right after this, and was not paying attention to the direction he was giving to the group.
Eagle took me very high, and was HUGE. The pull and swoop of his wings were so soothing to me that I could have taken a nap, I felt so comfortable in this travel. When I thanked Eagle, he sternly replied “This isn’t our first Journey.” I winced a little at his tone and I asked, “We’ve done this before, haven’t we?… How many times?” Eagle replied, “More than ten thousand times.” I was like “Wow! I’m sorry I don’t remember.” And rode quietly in the leather sack. I didn’t remember journeying with him from past lives, but I trusted the feeling in my soul- as if I was “home” with him.
Eagle took me to the space with 7 doors. The same white space I was taken to on my first Journey with my Shaman Papa the year before. At that time, I was only allowed to enter doors number 1-6. I was told I wasn’t ready yet for what was behind door number seven, so you could imagine my excitement when Eagle stood in front of the last door and told me we’d be going through. The door opened to outer space. We just flew around for a while, Eagle said we could go anywhere I wanted. I asked to visit neighboring galaxies. But eventually he told me we had somewhere to be. Eagle took me to an endless space. The same endless black space I was taken to in a class of a friend of mine, Imelda. Imelda was pivotal to my spiritual journey in my mid-thirties. She showed up with arms wide open and embraced me in a giant hug. She told me she works with me here, in the Ether. My great-abuelita showed up, but this time only with a hug. Sonia, one of my dearly beloved friends whom I had lost a few years ago to Pancreatic cancer showed up too, and told me her husband Mickey was going to join her soon. My heart sank a little, but he’s old and tired and misses his love. I don’t know how he breathes. They were together since they were teenagers, more than fifty years of a long marriage. She told me the lunch that next week will be his last lunch I get with him. I love him, but he’s so sad and misses her so much. He’s since grown too old and that lunch was the last time I got to see him. His daughters moved him to live with one of them to care for him in his senior years. In this endless space Jesus showed up as well, but just briefly and from what I can remember, no big message was given.
I asked about the bond between my then husband, and I was told, “you have the powers of all of existence at your disposal. You always have. You need only ask.” and then they showed me how to infuse love into the cord of my ex-husband and I. They showed a funnel of the universe, blasting into the cord and filling it with perfect, huge amounts of love. They said, “This will fill it with love and can complete the connection. It must be complete, not severed.” (in my head I was thinking “I hope complete in future lives) but clearly with the children we have together it can’t be cut off. Every person we love in any form is connected to us with a cord of love. So in this way, we are connected to every human being on the planet. Like a giant web. Some connections are your “main lines,” just like in a spider web. Those lines can’t be severed without the other, smaller lines being severely affected. That is why the cord with my ex-husband and myself can’t be severed, it would affect the relationships we have in common, such as our children and family. The connection has to be “healed/infused” with love, in order so that we may continue on in this life in a way that allows us to continue to love the soul group our connection binds us to. And I’m glad to say that even after our divorce, we have been moving along with grace and gentleness. So whatever happened in this Shamanic journey worked 🙂
After being taught this “healing method,” it was as if I was given the chance to give all of my petitions to God & Imelda. I asked them for everything. Everything I could dream of. And they lovingly stood by and said yes to everything I asked for. Even winning the lottery because they said “no matter what the world will benefit from your gifts and generosity.”
Then a little girl showed up. She ran up to me, arms wide open, and as she was running towards me she yelled, “Mommy! Mommy!” Confused, I looked up at my Spiritual team, which at this point had formed a circle around me, but made a space for this child to run up to me. I looked at them like “What the heck?!” And the child ran into my arms and we just held each other. The second her little body touched my heart space I was over taken with SO MUCH LOVE!! It was overwhelming. I love my children very much, but the love I was able to feel in this space was SO GIANT!!! In this space she was so beautiful. I wanted to hold her forever. She presented in a long, white nightgown- like the ones people wore in Victorian times. It was pure white, down to her ankles, a ruffle around the bottom hem and a ruffle on each sleeve. She twirled around and said, “Aren’t I going to be so beautiful mommy?!” I looked at her like I was staring at glory. She told me her gown was her “waiting gown.” Apparently when children are coming in, they wait in a space in pure white gowns?
She said, “You and daddy have finally decided to make me mommy! And I’m coming soon!” At this time my then-husband and I were having major problems, so I couldn’t see how we’d have another child. She showed me what she’s going to look like and she said “You dreamt me up mama. I’m coming to make all of your dreams come true.” She had sandy blonde hair and bright blue eyes that rivaled the moon. I have brown eyes and my ex-husband does as well. So I was confused about her saying “You and daddy finally decided to make me.” Her skin looked as if it had a permanent sun-kissed tan, much like my son’s skin. I’m Mexican and my ex-husband is white, but we managed to make a child that looks all-white and another who looks all Mexican. I suppose making another white person isn’t out of the question, but the blue eyes was obviously the characteristic that was confusing me. My ex-husband’s mother, father and brother all have blue and green eyes, so it really wasn’t out of the question, except again that at that time our marriage was on the rocks. The child was SO happy and appeared to be maybe five or six years old. I asked her about her name and she told me I already picked it out. She’s full of only good things. And everyone I love stood around us, beaming with love and said “You need not worry about the outcome. Only trust our process. All is still in perfect order and time. You must release the worry along the way.”
I could hear my Shaman Papa calling us back, but I didn’t want to go. I started to cry at the thought of having to leave her here, but she grinned and said, “Silly mommy. You know you can come visit me any time, plus I’m always with you.” I wondered how, but then nodded as I realized, “You mean I can meditate and come here again whenever I want?” And she nodded and said “yes.”
I “woke” from the guided meditation and I shared my experience with my Shaman Parents. Their reaction was a mix of “proud of you” and that of a warning. I was in the middle of my Shaman training and they said the space I visited was the “upper world.” They said there are rules and “manners” you’re to use before you enter. They didn’t know that I’d had several experiences with the great white space and the great black space and have met with God before. Of course I had no idea or way of knowing that these spaces were sacred, “Upper World” spaces where great care and ceremony was to take place. I simply went wherever the guide took me and I listened to my “tummy radar.” If I felt like I was “home” or “comfortable” I went along and trusted the process.
To make this experience with the baby girl even more bazaar, my daughter played with an imaginary friend up until she was about ten years old. She would draw her with blond hair and blue eyes and would tell me it’s her baby sister. Given her hair and eye color I always thought that was an impossible creation. My daughter would even argue with me when we’d go shopping and insist I buy clothes for her “baby sister!” It was a struggle that went on for years. I couldn’t make my daughter understand that “She’s not here, I’m not buying clothes for an imaginary person.” Oh goodness! It was so frustrating!!
These are my favorite things. The crazy happenings of life that whisper to you along the way and you don’t realize they were messages until the very end. I don’t know why I didn’t believe my daughter. In a tiny way I guess I still don’t. But this experience was SO powerful, it still brings tears to my eyes. How can you mourn and miss someone you’ve never met? How can you love someone so completely who isn’t even here?
I don’t know if that baby girl from that journey will incarnate in this life. Maybe I’ll get her in a grand-child. Technically I’m still in child-bearing age and anything is possible, but who knows. Life is funny. Last fall my first love found me on Facebook. My divorce was finalized in January and in April he and I started talking. We picked up right where we left off. It’s been 26 years since I’ve seen him, but upon our first visit, it didn’t feel like that at all. There hasn’t been one second of awkwardness and the love and affections between us are as deep and giant and pure as when we were babies. We were together from the ages of 14-16 and have suffered similar wounds in the twenty-six years we’ve been apart.
Was he who the baby girl was referring to when I saw her last Spring? “You and daddy FINALLY decided to make me?” Were he and I never meant to part? Were we supposed to make a million babies and was she supposed to be one of them? I suppose I’ll learn the answers to those questions when I get to Heaven (or take the time to do an illumination on myself and ask God and my Spirit Team)
All I know is I never wanted more babies. I was DONE-AH after my daughter was born. But having “met” this baby girl and felt the giant love between us, I’m not against the idea any more. I long for her and often times my heart feels heavy at the thought of never loving her in the physical world.
But who knows…my first love does have blue eyes…. I suppose only time will tell.
Crystals Mystical Journey 